


Air Toursim is for the Wealthy

by sunshinekat



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Moving On, not kim rye friendly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-09-02 14:40:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16788949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinekat/pseuds/sunshinekat
Summary: Nick Rye has a lot on his plate, and John Seed is another disaster just waiting to happen. So why can't he just let go? [slash] [miscarriage trigger warning]





	1. Chapter 1

A/N

First fic with this pairing. probably gonna put Nick through the wringer. I don't hate Kim Rye, just using her circumstances to push the plot along. also I don't know shit about farming. also warning for miscarriage in this chapter, and related themes in following chapters. 

Tragedy finds it way into every life, in some way or another. The Rye family was no different. Nick had plenty of stories of how different members of his family had died. It never stopped him from hoping that when he finally went, he’d be 90 and sleeping.

Wanting to leave his own legacy Nick wanted a child more than anything. After three years of trying to have their first child Kim got pregnant, and six months after that Nick had so many appointments lined up between farmers needing their crops dusted and tourists wanting sky diving trips and the occasional lost hiker that he was spread thin, and by the time He and Kim noticed something was wrong, it was too late. The distance that had grown between them was almost too far to cross back then, and now? There’s a saying about burning bridges, in this case the mountain where the bridge was just went and blew up. 

Mary May understood, she never asked questions about why he hung out at the bar until late, not that she didn’t care, but she only knew what the whole town knew. Kim wasn’t pregnant anymore and all Nick did was drink. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to explain his side of the story, it just sounded to him like he was just looking for pity. Nick can’t stand people feeling pity for him. 

At the end of the day, it was a simple story, some might say tragic. He got home after a long tedious work day to paramedics breaking into his house and the sound of his wife screaming in the upstairs bathroom. He’d tried to get in, told them he was the husband but she told him to go, and in the end, he didn’t see her until she was at the hospital. 

After that Kim wasn’t smiling, wasn’t doing much of anything. He couldn’t touch her, not even to give her comfort. She didn’t want it, she didn’t want him anymore. She’d even said as much. And he couldn’t understand that, couldn’t talk to her about anything at all, not even their daughter. He wanted to understand her pain because maybe that held the answers to why it felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest. 

Nick gets out of work late, doesn’t know if bourbon will calm his nerves tonight, but he hates that he can’t go home. He can’t stand another night sleeping in Carmina’s hangar. It wasn’t like Kim kicked him out or anything, but her silence was the opposite of welcome. He wanted to erase that, he didn’t want to replace the memories he didn’t want to ignore it but he wanted Kim back, wanted her soft hands, her pretty smile and her kiss. 

He takes off his hat and heads to the entrance of their house, observing the deserted porch. Some days he’d find Kim sweeping away, and just six months ago he found her heavy with child sweeping leaves. He’d been terrified that she’d fall down the steps, ran up and gathered her in his arms and she just laughed. She dropped the broom and hugged him, kissing him on the cheek and complained that he stank like airplane fuel. 

He walks up the steps to the front porch, brushing leaves aside with his boot. He thinks about knocking, but it’s his damn house. So he walks in, the foyer is empty, the living room, dining room and kitchen are all visible from where he’s standing. They’re empty but he can still see her there, smiling at him, waving, the sight of her cooking by the window. It was all there, made tears burn behind his eyes. He made for the stairs hoping to find her in the bedroom, but he never made it there, she was in the bathroom. Sitting on the edge of the bathtub face buried in her hands, silky black hair draped over one shoulder, still in her pajamas, big white t-shirt and baggy sweat pants, her bare feet on the cold floor.

Nick didn’t go to her, didn’t think he could handle her rejecting him again. He just laid against the wall and sank down to the floor and stared, didn’t feel the tears falling at first. But after the first shuddering breath, Kim glanced up, her pain visible in the dark circles under her eyes, the pallidness of her skin, she got up and he thought she was coming to him, finally coming back to him. But she just closed the bathroom door and locked it behind her. 

Nick tried to stay busy, but day by day business was dwindling and autumn was coming in. And with it the slow months of winter. Soon it would be two cold to even crop dust and he didn’t want to think about what he’d do then. 

During one particular slow day Nick sat behind the counter legs propped up and crossed at the ankle as he played a game on his phone. His old radio playing twangy tuned in the background and nothing but the wind for company. His mind was pleasantly empty. He didn’t feel the crushing loneliness in times like this, or that empty awful feeling when he thought about Kim or his daughter, still unnamed even after all this time. 

They hadn’t talked about it properly, the burial had taken only a few hours, Kim’s parents came to town for a few days before having to leave due to work obligations. An open invitation for them to follow if needed. 

Nick didn’t know what Kim’s mom had told her about how to handle the situation. But he knows what she told him, “Don’t leave her alone.” 

Nick’s game froze when Mary May texted him. He opened the message, she was inviting him over to the Spread Eagle, not just for drinks but to hang out. She left Kim out of it, he wasn’t sure if it was on purpose or that Mary May thought that Kim would say no. 

Nick didn’t know where Kim’s head was at, and if he was honest, himself neither. All he knew is that when he tried to talk Kim didn’t listen, she’d shut him out and wanted nothing to do with him. He didn't know what to do and felt like all he did was hurt her over and over. He couldn’t stand that idea, he couldn’t believe that he’d lost her like that. She was like sand slipping through his fingers. 

I’ll be there. Nick texted back, it was just drinks after all and he spent most of his time there anyway. 

For the remainder of the afternoon he cleaned the work space, played Candy Crush on his phone and provided directions for a lost couple heading out of town. 

He took his truck up to Fall’s End and parked in his usual spot in the back parking of The Spread Eagle. He kept his cap on and aviator sun glasses, left his jacket in the car, he was halfway across the parking lot before he noticed. Decided it wasn’t worth going back for. 

He walked in and waved to Mary May who grinned and gestured for him to come up to the counter, “Goddamn Nick, you look like shit. Have a seat.” she patted him on the shoulder and poured a shot.

It was busy for a Wednesday night, which was a nice change of course, sitting with one or two other people and a love song playing on the juke box was depressing on it’s own. But there was a pool game going on with an audience on one side and a game of poker by the tables round back. The music turned up loud and it looked like they were preparing for some bad karaoke. 

That’s right, he’d taken Kim out here for a few dates, introducing her to Mary May, having her try some cheap beer and beat him at darts. But she’d always been particular to karaoke. 

Nick downed the shot, he couldn’t think about that right now. Mary May tapped his shoulder again, then tapped on the tip of his trucker hat. “Sun too bright in here for you sir?”

Nick chuckled at that, “Maybe, why ain’t it cold in here for you miss spaghetti straps?” 

“It’s not for you, Rye.” she said with a smile, “Got a visitor to the bar tonight, maybe I’m trying to look more pleasing to the eye, see if he’ll give me his number and let me check out the ranch.” 

It seems that buying out a lovely ranch out by the lake and renaming it after your family is all it takes to get famous in Hope County. Not a big deal, the county had their share of rich assholes claiming land and making it their vacation home. But the Seeds were apparently different, they meant to start a business here. And it was that goal that caught Nick Rye’s attention, after all, he had to keep an eye out on potential rivals. Even if it meant putting other things on the back-burner. 

“That so, and which one’s visiting?” Nick asks. Mary May flicks her thumb at the pool table. There was a small crowd of people, mostly women hanging around this one guy, dark hair, black button up shirt with the collar open leaning over for a shot. He was covered in tattoos, Nick noticed feeling bare with his two tattoos. 

“And which Seed is that?” Nick asked, keeping the conversation going. Mary May was a great girl but her taste in men was questionable even at the best of times. 

“John, he’s a lawyer. His brothers are hanging in the Whitetails, one of’em’s building a shelter or some shit. The other’s working with the park rangers, but just look at him, that’s a good lookin’ man huh?” she grinned.

Nick shrugged, “Is that why you invited me? Am I your wingman?” 

Mary may glanced at him, she flushed a little and slapped his arm, “Only if you take off that fucking hat and glasses, your gonna scare him away.” she uses two fingers to snap the hat off his head, and plucks his glasses off while he reached to catch his hat before it fell. 

“Look at that, you actually have a face.” She said with a smile. 

Nick put his hat on the counter and swept a hand through his hair, it was getting a bit long he needed to cut it soon. Or maybe not. He felt bashful without anything covering him. Kim said she liked the hat and glasses, said that he’d have to hide those pretty eyes or someone would come and steal him. 

He’d just gotten into the habit after that, whether or not he was hiding from some invisible hussy waiting to come and snatch him up was another thing altogether. 

“Oh shit,” Mary says softly, pouring Nick a glass of bourbon, “Here he comes.” 

Nick takes the glass that Mary offered, and heard the stool next to him move and glanced discretely to the side to see John Seed had chosen to sit beside him, “Gin and tonic please, easy on the tonic.” Mary almost fell over herself to get him that drink. Nick glanced at him, for a lawyerman he didn’t look so professional, John’s shirt had the sleeves rolled up, and his arms and knuckles were covered in tattoos. 

Hair slicked back and beard trimmed neatly. He glanced at his phone ignoring the pretty thing at his side trying to catch his attention. 

John Seed must be one of those guys who could literally drown in pussy and never come up for air. Some called it lucky, but most of the time it was a cocktail of narcissism, arrogance and a lot of money. 

John was looking at his phone, and ever the wing-man Nick had to distract John from the cute girl at his right. Mary May had picked out a real winner this time. 

“That’s a lot of tats for a lawyer.” Nick says sipping from his glass. 

John looked up from his phone and right at him, Nick stopped sipping and took a deep swig. Now the crowd of simpering girls made sense, he had those fucking bambi eyes, and new exactly how to use’em apparently. Alcohol would drown away the twinge of jealously that flooded Nick’s chest. 

“Long sleeves help,” John replies, smooth voice slick with charm, “I’m John by the way, how did you know I was a lawyer?” 

Nick glanced at him again, now getting used to the pretty and not so blinded by it, “Nick, my good friend Mary May told me,” He says gesturing to Mary who had left John his drink but had been distracted by another customer. 

John nods, “Huh, and...how did she know?” 

Nick chuckles, “Uh, small town. Everyone knows about you Seed brothers and your...projects.” 

John sips at his drink, “Do they now. And what do you think Nick?” He glances at him, eyes boring into his. 

“I uh...I don’t.” Nick says, “Got other shit to do.” 

John laughs, the sound catches the attention of Mary May and every other girl in the room. “I don’t blame you, not much need for a lawyer in a town like this, maybe I should pick up a career in crop dusting.” 

He meant it to insult, Nick knew that, but he wasn’t going to ruin this chance for Mary May to get her good time with what obviously was a stuck up dick head lawyer. “That’s funny, I actually do that as a profession, combined with air tourism for the adventurous types.” 

John Seed had the gall to look cowed, “Didn’t mean anything by it, this drink is getting to my head.” He says as he downs the rest of his drink. “And what adventures do you take your tourists on?” 

Nick is too surprised to be offended, the guy really didn’t care did he? This whole town was probably a joke to him. 

“Uh, sky diving, parachuting. Sometimes I help the park rangers with lost hikers and such. Deliver groceries to the mountain dwellers and people who can’t come down during the Winter months.” 

John looked like he was pretending to listen, like...well, like a guy listening to a hot girl because he wanted to fuck them. And THAT was when it kind of took a weird turn. 

“You fly planes then, how about you take me on one of your trips? Say...tomorrow?” 

“Uh...fine?” Nick doesn’t know what he’s doing. Doesn’t think it’s a big deal, but Mary May is gawking at him from her corner of the bar, stuck yet again with another customer. 

John smiles, “Great, now, I’m getting out of here I got a check in with my fellow Seeds. But here’s my card, text me your address and I’ll come by, see this air tourism deal you have going on.” 

Nick takes the card and John Seed is gone and Mary May stomps over and smacks him over the back of his head. “What the hell was that?!” She hisses, “You scared him off!” 

Nick stares at the card and shows it to Mary May who reads it over, “Why did he give this to YOU!?”

“I don’t know.” 

“What did you say did you tell him about me? Is he coming back? Why do you have his number now?” 

“I didn’t...I don’t know what happened, he was talking shit about crop dusting, I told him I actually do that for a job told him about the tourist side job he says he wants to take a trip now and he gave me his card so I can give him my address and now I don’t know what...what happened?” 

Mary may grabs Nick’s hat and glasses, “I’m keeping these, and the ONLY way you’re getting them back is if John Seed asks me out to dinner.” 

“Mary damn, come on don’t-”

“Nope! You’ve got until the end of day tomorrow or I’m chucking these in the deep fryer!” She stalks to the back window and hands them to the on staff cook who takes them without question. “Some fucking wingman you are Nick Rye!” 

Nick heads home but stops halfway there, and drives to work instead. He enters the hangar and goes to the backroom. He checks his phone and sees nothing but angry texts from Mary May. In the dark sitting on a cot he’d set up three weeks ago he looks up Kim’s number and dials it. He wants to go home. 

This phone number is unavailable, please review the number before trying again.

Nick stares at his phone, lost, floundering in what felt like reality but it couldn’t be real, this couldn’t be real. He didn’t think about what he did next, entering his address and sending it to John Seed was for work, any kind of publicity was good publicity. 

The message was responded to only seconds later, See you tomorrow bright and early. With a plane emoji on the end. 

He put his phone down and laid on the cot, wondering if he’d be able to sleep at all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Seed is disappointed to find out that Carmina has a strict no liquor policy.

a/n reading over this story now. it's pretty hard to write john seed without the trauma from the game. Thanks for the kudos guys! :)

Nick had an early schedule, ever since he’d took to sleeping in his car, or in the airplane hangar. Now he wasn’t sleeping past 6 am on his off days. Needless to say, that cozy couch in the back room at the Spread Eagle was out of the question due to his fumbled conversation with John Seed the night before.

Deep down, he knew Mary May would let him stay if he told her what was going on with Kim. But he hadn’t talked to anyone about that. It was his marriage, his problem and he was going to solve it on his own. People in this town didn’t mind their own damn business anyway. However, he still only had one house, and he’d have to go in there eventually to shower, brush his damn teeth and get dressed for the day. Nick never thought he’d see the day he dreaded going home.

He sat up slowly hung his head in a hung over daze and got up with a sigh. He turned and eased his way to the entrance and opened the door to the side exit. When he saw a stranger’s car parked in the drive way of the house, there was both a familiar irritation at a customer being so damn early for their appointment, and a slight offense that they hadn’t called to say they were on their way.

He walked up to the house and crossed the porch he glanced at this phone and saw a text from John's number, saved respectfully under "Rich Asshat". He looked up when he heard laughter, not just the soft tinkling laughter of his wife, but that of a man. He opened the door ready to raise hell, but he saw John Seed washing a plate next to Kim who had her hair pulled up in a loose bun and was drying the dishes John handed her.

They stopped when they caught sight of him, Nick was pissed. Pissed and relieved, it was the first time he’d seen Kim smile in months.

That it was happening because of John Seed, now that was a hard pill to swallow.

“M-Mornin’ everybody, ” he says softly. Realizing how he must look, still in his tee shirt from last night, hair messy and tangled, barefoot at 6 am in the morning.

“Nick, good to see you. You have a very nice home. And your friend Kim was happy to accommodate me,” He smiled at her, and Kim gave him a small smile in return. She glanced at Nick, “You should go wash up Nick. We have company over.”

Nick didn’t speak, and it wasn’t just the shock of John’s words implying his wife had introduced herself as just a friend, but also that she had been civil to him for the first time in months. The balance was fragile, and as much as he’d like to correct John’s mistake, he didn’t dare for fear of the consequences.

He brushed his teeth in record time in a hurry to get down stairs but the minute he found himself in that shower, hot water pouring over his stressed, strained body he had to slow down. He felt it tearing down his walls, and if he let it he’d curl up in the tub and never leave. He sucked in slow breaths willing the urges down. He had a whole day to get through yet, falling apart now, when Kim was...Kim was downstairs just wasn’t an option.

He soaped up and washed his hair and beard, then when he rinsed off he exited the shower and wrapped a clean towel around his waist. He left the bathroom with his hair dripping and went into their shared bedroom. It was immaculate, the bed looked like it hadn’t been slept in. Worry pricked at him, like a hypodermic needle into his chest. Kim needed him, but he couldn’t reach her. There was this distance between them that he just couldn’t cross.

He tried to busy himself by putting on a fresh pair of boxer briefs and dark relaxed fit jeans with a red t-shirt.

When he came back downstairs Kim and John were sitting on the couch in the living room.

“Well, Joe has a way with people, he can make you believe anything honestly. But he’s using that power for good, he has a place in the Henbane, all sorts of people go to stay there they pray...it’s like a retreat. He’s helped so many people get through really tough situations...”

Nick didn’t want to interrupt again, wanted to hear her response. Wanted to know if she was...looking for help. For anything.

“I don’t think that prayer is what I need. But...I appreciate your words John. It’s been really hard and...I know we just met but thank you for your company. I shouldn’t waste anymore of your time, I’ll go check on Nick, he does like his long showers.”

John chuckled and when Kim stood up and turned she saw him in the entry way by the stairs, her gaze met his and then flickered away. “There you are,” she went to him, Nick swallowed thickly he didn’t know what to do, or say he just wanted to pull her into his arms, show her he was happy to see her.

“Kim-” He started.

“You have work Nick, don’t make him wait any longer than he has to.” She brushed past him and went upstairs.

Nick froze, felt like he’d been punched in the gut. He flushed in embarrassment at having John witness that. When he glances at John however, he’s buried in his phone texting away.

“Right, let me get my boots on and we’ll go.” he hopes he sounds okay, he doesn’t feel it. He finds one of his pairs of shoes by the door and puts them on, he glances behind him and sees John is still on his phone.

“John?” He says, John is still glaring at his phone. Nick sighs, “John!” John looks up at him in shock, “What?”

“What the hell do you mean what? You wanted to come here so get off my damn couch already.”

John looked sheepish, “Sorry, it’s work, they started early today.” He stood up and followed Nick to the door. He was wearing as black pull over sweater and brown dress pants with expensive shoes. Nick almost scoffed, and to think Nick thought he was a thrill seeker.

“Thought you were done lawyering?” Nick says as they walk past John’s car. His thoughts kept going back to Kim, her words to John, her words to him. It had been almost hostile. He didn’t understand any of it.

“Nice change of subject,” John says, “Lawyering is not over yet, someone has to keep the bills paid. As you know we Seeds are new in town so I’m covering expenses while my brothers forge more...sustainable foundations. Earlier was just my partners trying to get me back to Atlanta.”

“Sustainable foundations huh, so you’ve given up on the city life altogether? Ready to live on a ranch in the country and what? Cause we both know you sure as hell ain’t gonna steal my buisness.”

John smirked at him, “Who knows, right now I’m interested in getting said ranch in livable conditions. What I’ll be doing after that is anyone’s guess.”

“Why do I feel like livable to you is not the same as it is to me?”

“Such as?”

“How many fridges are you installing?”

John purses his lips, “Depends on how many kitchens,” And starts counting his fingers and Nick pushes his hand down, “Never mind, don’t tell me I don’t want to know.”

John laughs and pats Nicks hand before he slides it away.

“So what did you have in mind for your trip today?”

Nick unlocks the door to the hangar and hit the switch to open the hangar doors. He watched John’s eyes as he watched the light come in and reveal Carmina in her lovely golden glory.

“It’s...nice?” John says, Nick sighs, “You don’t know anything city boy. So, my darling Carmina will take us anywhere you wanna go.”

John waggles his eyebrows, “Anywhere?”

“Oh, ha-ha funny, Make a choice. I assume money is no issue for you?”

John gasped, “I thought you were paying, I didn’t bring my wallet.”

Nick stared at him, hoping it was a joke. It was, John positively guffawed at his own joke, it was a little sickening. Then he patted Nick’s shoulder, “You’re right, money’s not an issue, can you take me to the ranch?”

Nick glanced at him, “I’m gonna charge you for the sass John, keep that in mind.”  
John meets his gaze evenly, smirk in place, “Good thing I came prepared then.”

John got settled in the plane nicely, he’d looked a little perturbed at the cramped space. So what Carmina was lovely, but was more practical than comfortable. “Is this one of those bring your own beer kind of planes? Come on Nick. You can’t expect me to fly with no alcohol.” There’s no way he meant that, Nick was trying to get used to his form of humor, it was hard at first when they’d met at the bar but now John was smiling, touching things he shouldn’t be and despite his words, he seemed delighted to be on the plane.

“Just sit down, John. Keep an eye on the window and shut up,”

Surprisingly, once they were in the air John was silent. Nick was pleased, wanted John to enjoy himself. But when he turned to look behind him he saw John had his face buried in his phone again. Irritated Nick took a wild turn and John’s phone, expensive looking now that he thought about it flew out of John’s hands and it the roof of the plane. John gasped, “What the hell!” And did the one thing that Nick had instructed him not to do, he unbuckled his seat belt and went after it.

“John what the fuck are you doing?! Get back in your seat!”

“I have everything on that phone I swear to god Nick if you broke it-”

Nick snarled, “Get back in your seat right now! John you could get hurt!”

“If I get hurt that’s a lawsuit!” John says, he’s grinning when he finds his phone, then he heads back to his seat. Nick was keeping the plane as steady as possible to get the idiot back in his seat but there was slight turbulence and John slipped and slammed his face on the edge of his seat. But no, his phone was FINE. Nick’s stomach sank to his feet, “John!”

“Fine! M’fine! Fuck that hurt,” John says crawling into his seat wrapping the seat belt around his waist.

Nick’s heart was pounding hard, he scanned the area for somewhere to land. It was rushed, not dangerous but rushed, clumsy and he prided himself as a pilot. But when Carmina settled in place Nick almost jumped out of his seat. When he came around he found John grinning at his phone, healthy stream of blood sliding down his forehead. “Just another day out in Holland Valley!” there was the sound of a shutter going off and John lowering the phone and tapping away.

“You’re insane,” Nick snapped, “What the hell were you thinking?” Nick went to get the emergency medical kit that was stacked on the wall by the exit door.

“I was thinking my phone has a lot of important shit in it and someone thought that knocking out of my hand would be funny.” his tone was accusing, the blood dripping off his beard was making it worse. Nick knelt down and started to dab at the wound on the edge of John’s scalp. John flinched away at first, he stared at Nick for a moment with wide deep blue eyes, Nick felt a stab of guilt at having caused this. “Just, let me clean you up okay? I’m sorry.” Nick muttered. He tried again and expected another rejection, he felt like shit already but this...this was not something he could handle right now. God, he could have a concussion. John must have seen that so he held still.

“I feel fine...it’s just a cut.” he said, and he was watching Nick’s expression, like he was waiting for something, or...or he was just trying to remember his face.

The silence was disrupted by the sound of John’s phone vibrating, he picked up and put it by the ear that wasn’t blocked by Nick’s ministrations.

“Hey Jake, you liked the picture?” he smirked, “No, not dead unfortunately. Don’t be smug.” he glanced at Nick, “Yeah, the pilot thought it would be funny to turn to fast and my phone flew away” he smirked at Nick’s frown, then his eyes shot away, “Yeah… I know...i’m sorry. Just tell him that, I wasn’t thinking. Jesus Jacob it was a joke. I’m fine.” He sighs, and waves Nick away, he unbuckles his seat belt and stands up, and almost falls over Nick is there catching him. “Hang up,” Nick says.  
John shakes his head and gestures to the door, “Yes Jake, I just told you I’m fine, Nick cleaned the blood off-” there was the distinct sound of someone shouting through the tiny speakers on John’s phone. Nick felt a slight sense of dread and moved to the door, once open John squirmed out of Nick’s grasp and headed for the exit. He walked in a straight line, managed to get off the plane without knocking himself out or getting another concussion so that was good news. Now...to keep him away for 48 hours.

Watching John walk around a field shouting on his phone was not how he’d intended to spend his morning. But that was what was happening. He pulled his own phone out, pulling Kim’s number up out of habit to share the story...but he remembered his number was blocked and how cold she was just a few hours ago. He texted Mary May, took a picture of John hunched over phone in both hands yelling: “I AM FINE JACOB!” at his phone.

I almost killed your boyfriend by the way. Also good morning.

He laughed to himself and saw John staring at his phone. Nick exited the plane, bright blue band aid in hand, he could see stray red drops littering John’s cheeks. He went to him and John glanced at him, something intelligible in his eyes. He sighed, putting the phone to his ear, “Jake I’ll call you back okay?” and hung up.

“Come here,” Nick says, John obeys and watches him as he gently places the band aid on his cut. “Who was that?” Nick asks, John sighs, “It was my brother, let’s just say bloody selfies are in bad taste where he’s concerned.” he’d been cheery since they’d met up, during the flight too, even when he’d dragged himself back up after slamming his head into his seat. But one call from his brother and he was all pouts, like a small child scolded for crying wolf.

“Must be hard,” Nick says, “Taking care of them like that...”

John sighs, “Not really, I’m actually the youngest...Jacob is the eldest of us.” He quieted like he didn’t want to say anything else, he looked briefly at Nick, “Kim is nice. You been friends long?”

Nick tried not to look upset by the question, “Is that...is that what she said?”

John tilted his head a bit and Nick pressed the band aid on a little too hard, “ow fuck! Nick what-”

“Sorry...so she said we were friends?”

“Yeah, she said you used to be close or whatever did I say something wrong?”

Nick almost gives in to the pressure in his chest, that coil tightening around his heart, around his will. But trapped in a field with a stranger who knows nothing about his life. He can’t do this here, he can’t do this now.

Nick runs his hands through his hair, “Okay, don’t worry about it. I’m sorry...about the phone, the band aid, you don’t have to pay I’m sorry. Just...”

John was looking at him, like he wasn’t acting normal, like he needed help. Well, Nick didn’t need help with his own goddamn marriage and not from some city boy playing lawyer and buying his big house or anything. He didn’t need it from his friends and certainly not from a stranger.

“No big deal,” John says, “Are you good to fly us out of here or do you want to hang around? And are you sure you don’t have any whiskey stashed away in there?”

The urge to leave John Seed stranded in the middle of Holland Valley was tempting. But Nick was a professional, or at least he used to be. Maybe taking a few days off after this was a good idea. “Yeah, let’s go. Oh, one thing though.” he turns to John, “Phone.”

John looks appalled at the idea.

“I will leave you here.”

John hands it to him, “This is not what I signed up for by the way, I’m gonna leave a shitty yelp review Nick Rye.”

“You do that city boy.”

The trip back was short and sweet, the clear blue sky all around him swept away the misery that had started to clog his thoughts. John was blessedly silent, he obviously knew he’d brought up something sensitive and was keeping his mouth shut about it. That was all Nick could ask for honestly, poor yelp review or not.

When Carmina took them home and he parked her in the hangar he gave John back his phone. John stared at it, and then at Nick.

“I lied, I don’t really..do yelp reviews.” he smiled shyly. Nick smiled back, “You’re a little shit you know that?”

“I’ve heard that before.” He turned to go to his car, still parked in Nick’s drive way, they started to walk back together.

“So, we should do this again I guess...or not?”

“What you want another concussion?” Nick said with a wry smile. John shook his head, “Maybe not in a plane...you could come up and meet Jake, he’s working in the White Tails training to cover for the retiring park ranger Eli.”

They came to a stop at John’s car, and Nick was starting to suspect something. He snapped back to reality when John touched his forearm when turning, only briefly, was he a touchy-feely kinda guy?

Then he smiled while looking directly into Nick’s eyes.

Oh no.

Wait, this was confusing.

“Probably...not?” Nick phrases, oh shit. Was this a date? Holy shit. “I know...I know someone who would really enjoy a trip like that though you remember my friend Mary May?”

John straightened, “Ah, yes. The blonde from last night?”

“She’d love to go you should check by the spread eagle and ask her, I’m going to be busy that day, sorry anyway I gotta go, go see a doctor for that by the way, don’t need your death on my conscious.”

He left that conversation fast, maybe Mary May would forgive him. Maybe. He didn’t watch John leave. Only knew that he did from the sound of the car behind him.

When he entered the house, he couldn’t stay silent.

“Kim!” He cried, “Kim where are you?”

Kim walked in from the back yard, rake in hand. “Jesus Nick quit yelling I’m right here.”

“Why did you tell John Seed that you and I are friends?”

Kim stared at him evenly, “I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression.”

“Wrong impr...-Wrong impression you’re my wife!” Nick snarled, “What kind of impression did you want to give him?”

“Well he obviously had a thing for you, from what he told me you guys hit it off at the bar last night.”

Nick paled, “Wait. Wait last night-”

“Don’t worry I called Mary May she told me everything.”

“Then she told you she wanted me to be her wingman.”

“She also said that you spent the whole night chatting him up. Giving him false hope, but I’m not surprised to hear that.”

Nick wished dearly he hadn’t sent John away, wished he were here to clear up this bullshit. Interested or not, he wasn’t that full of shit.

“Kim, you know I would never do that to you.”

Kim’s gaze was cold, angry, “Nick, you didn’t do anything.” she put the rake by the doorway, “You never do.”

“What does that mean?” Nick asks, how can he make this better? How can he make her understand?

“It means that no matter what shitty thing happens you are always on the clean side of things, always clear of guilt, of pain and you could never understand what that’s like.”

Nick felt like there was a hand grabbing at his heart and squeezing, “Kim- I don’t- I don’t feel free of anything.”

“Don’t worry, you will soon.” Kim says and she heads upstairs and he hears a door slam upstairs.

All he can think of in that moment is the paramedics not letting him inside his own house, Kim’s broken sobs coming from upstairs and him helpless to comfort her.

He turned around, despair clutching at him and he looks around him and can’t find anywhere to go.

a/n that scene with john having a meltdown on his phone is something I can see very clearly in my head. he's such a primadonna. 


	3. Chapter 3

The following day Nick didn’t open up shop, nor the three days after that. On the third day Mary May texts him back, it was a picture of his hat and aviator glasses. Underneath was a message saying “White tails was so worth it! Come and pick up your shit Rye, before I change my mind.”

It was only 3pm in the afternoon but he left, why not spend the entire afternoon, evening and night drinking? What else could go wrong?

He parks in his usual spot and heads for the bar, he sees John’s car parked nearby and frowns, so he was here. Nick had been trying to contact him, trying to get him to come over and clear things up with Kim but there had been no answer.

He was here now, and god-dammit he would hear what Nick had to say.

The Spread Eagle wasn’t as packed as it had been a few nights ago, but that wasn’t a problem, Nick wasn’t in the mood for being a crowded place. That bourbon on the other hand…

Mary May waves when he enters, he goes to his seat, John is by the pool tables, if he sees him come in he doesn’t show it.

“If it ain’t my favorite Rye!” Mary says grabbing him and giving him a wet kiss on the cheek.

“Check these darlin!” she shoves her phone in his face, it’s a photo of her, John and a tall ginger guy, nobody but her is smiling, there’s also…

“Is that Staci Pratt in the background?”

Mary looks at the picture and Nick points with his finger at the flailing figure in the background, “It looks like he’s...drowning. Holy shit did you drown the deputy?” He looks at her and Mary May shrugs, “Eh, maybe. He’s hanging around since the locals keep callin’ the cops on Jacob. Seems they don’t like the idea of Eli getting replaced. Who gives a shit? Nah, what you should care about is this, look at John.”

John was...well, John, he looked impeccable, typical toothbrush commercial smile and nothing new. Nothing like the picture he’d sent her of John screaming at his phone. Or the look on his face when Nick cleaned blood off of it, or when he’d asked Nick to go to the White tails instead of Mary May.

Speaking of, “Kim called you a few days ago am I right?”

Mary nodded, “Yep, asked about John. I told her the whole situation. didn’t leave out any details.”

“How can I be delicate with this?” Nick says softly, “Mary May...did you tell her or imply I was...leading John to think...well, to think that I wanted to...well, you know...”

Mary frowned and then sighed, “Ah, well...I might have implied it but I was joking. I tell people I pimp you out to the guys I wanna date to get a good measure of them all the time.”

Fuck.

That would also explain John. That whole thing might’ve been a date, and the more he thought about it the more date-like it became.

“Jesus Mary.” he muttered.

“Hey it’s no big deal, anyway you drinkin’ the usual? I’ll get your stuff from out back in a minute.”

“Yeah, the usual.”

Five glasses of bourbon later had Nick watching the game, and finally feeling like himself again. He wanted to fly like this. He wanted to go home, grab Kim and make her love him again. Make her fall in love and never leave him, she swore, she put the ring on his finger too.

He felt a hand touch his shoulder, he glanced over and saw it was Mary May, “Damn Nick, I’m cutting you off, do you want me to call Kim?”

“Nah, nah don’t...Don’t call her, shit...Don’t fucking call her. I mean, from your phone, you can’t call from mine cause she blocked my number.” He tried to reach into his pocket to show her but she took his face in her hands, “Nick what the fuck are you talking about? What do you mean she blocked your number? She’s your wife.”

Nick just laughed, and Mary May just stared and stared. Waiting without judgment, only concern. Nick felt his eyes burning, wanted to get away but he couldn’t.

“John!” Mary called, “Can you help me with him?”

Someone got to him and slung his arm over their shoulder and he was being guided somewhere, it looked like the back parking lot.

He was seated down by the broken vending machine and he leaned against it.

“Be a dear and get the man some water would you John?” He hears Mary May ask. John didn’t respond, but Nick hears the clatter of someone going back into the bar.

But Mary May was in front of him again, a question in her eyes.

“What’s going on Nick? Why’d she block your number?”

It all came spilling out at once, he couldn’t tell when he started sobbing, but he felt Mary’s fingers wiping his cheeks. Heard her soft voice comforting him.

Mary ran her fingers through his hair, “Christ Nick, how long you been holding all this in? Have you guys seen a counselor?”

“I can’t even talk to her...” he swallowed thickly, “She talked to John just fine, told him we were friends.”

Mary’s expression was surprise and concern, “Friends? Like-”

“Like we weren’t fuckin’ married! I asked you know, I asked her and she said she didn’t want to give him the wrong impression since he has a thing for me.” Nick looks at Mary accusingly, “You heard it right, he has a thing for me.”

He felt like his skin was too full, wanted to claw himself open and let all the pain out. But he couldn’t and it just writhed under his skin pricking him and cutting at him.

The door swing open and John came out with a pitcher and a glass.

“Jesus.” Mary said, “It’s about time, gimmie that.” she puts something to his lips, he drinks it and it’s cool and plain, no sting of alcohol.

“He can’t drive like this,” he heard John say.

“Oh, ya think Seed? Well what the fuck are you gonna do about it?”

“He’s been sleeping in his hangar I think...”

Mary may cupped Nick’s face, “Is that true? Where are you sleeping Nick?”

“Carmina is my new wife, she fucking looooves me-”

Nick is singing, singing to get their annoying voices out of his head.

Nick is picked up again, guided to a car and thrown in the backseat. He spends the ride looking at the stars from the open window. He wants to fly so bad, wants to take Carmina out, follow the wind until he saw the sea and then-

“He’s here, been passed out all ,morning.”

The world was coming back in pieces. His mouth felt like it was filled with sand, his stomach was starting a revolution and he had chills. When he opened his eyes the ceiling spun around him, he sat up suddenly and then went back down.

“He’s awake, I’m gonna check on him and I’ll text you.”

Nick stared at the ceiling waiting for the world to stop moving. Then John Seed popped up in his line of sight, “Hey,” he says, pressing a delightfully cool wash cloth to his cheek, “You look like shit.”

“Mmmm,” Nick says, his throat hurts when he tries to talk, he might have been yelling, or screaming or…

Or crying and confessing everything to Mary May.

That didn’t explain John Seed however.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Nick says, John tilts his head a little to the side, “Yeah, I was. You can’t blame me for that given the circumstances.” 

Circumstances huh, is that what his life had become?

Nick sat up slowly this time, taking the washcloth John was offering him. It was odd to be waking up in someone else’s place. John looked different here, he was kneeling next to him on a carpeted floor, wearing a loose white tee and loose dark blue jogger pants and was barefoot. Pretty much the opposite of the well put together man Nick had met. Nick glanced at his surroundings, it was spacey, expensive and had a lot of goddamn sunlight coming in through the patio doors. He saw a yoga mat placed out on the hard wood floor by them. He laid his head back and noticed with embarrassed pleasure that this was more comfortable than his own bed at home.

“Are you okay?” John must have noticed that Nick was slowly sinking into his couch, obviously he was worried.

“I’m fine, hungover but fine.” Nick says, and he’s offered a glass of water. The water of course is also better than what he has at home.

“Were you there last night? While I was talking to Mary May?”

John bit his lip and let out a sigh, “I was...it makes sense now that you got mad about what I said, if I had known I never would have come.”

“It’s my fault, I couldn’t tell that you thought it was a date. I’m sorry.”

John laughs, it’s a soft sound, complimented by the lines crinkling at the corners of his eyes, “It’s not your fault, my love life is kind of like that selfie I took, you know short, painful and usually a bad choice.”

Nick sits up on his elbows, trying to get his bearings, “Can’t say I blame you, I’m quite the charmer.”

“That you are,” John says without looking at him. Nick thinks maybe he should lay off. This is exactly the kind of behavior that got him in this spot.

“It’s not a big deal you know, liking guys. I’m flattered really, thought a city boy like you was more into well...city boys.”

John swept one hand through his silky dark hair, “I thought that too. Hey, listen I’m gonna call Mary May. She’s at your place I think, or was. She’s been checking in all morning.”

Nick nodded and watched John leave, then he searched his pockets for his phone, he found it and there was three missed calls and one text message all from Kim.

He opened the text message and almost dropped his phone.

_I know things have been hard, I’m sorry for the part I’ve played in that. I don’t want to hurt you. But losing our daughter has made me reconsider my choices, my lifestyle. I don’t think I'm fit to be a mother, much less a wife to anyone right now. I don’t blame you I want you to know that. But I think we need to consider that our marriage has been falling apart and we can’t fix it. We can talk about it when you come back._


	4. Chapter 4

A/n John's thoughts on Nick, and Nick's life falling apart like a mexican soap opera. 

Jacob had been texting non-stop since the early hours of the morning. John had been ignoring them of course, because if he had to hear one more complaint about Staci fucking Pratt he was going up to the White Tails and shooting them both in the head.

His phone was already clogged with unread messages from his eldest brother before the most recent one popped up.

Motherfucker towed my truck. John clicked on the image Jacob had attached and saw the picture of an empty parking spot and let out a low laugh, Jake was no doubt on a warpath right now.

He was swiping through his emails and catching up on the development of Joseph’s project, everything was going as planned. To his disappointment there had been no update on Jacob’s background check.

Needless to say, they would get through this set back like they did everything else.

After a few empty minutes swiping and reading he put his phone down. He felt impatient, like he couldn’t sit still. He glanced outside the window to the pretty, but empty countryside. His brother’s would be coming by in a few months, once things were settled, until then it was visits to Joseph’s compound and Jacob’s place in the Whitetail mountains.

And until then…

Nick left without a word, not so much as a “Thank you for letting me pass out on your fifteen hundred dollar couch” or anything.

Not that he minded, ever since they met he let Nick Rye step all over him. It was embarrassing, if Jake caught him acting like this he’d smack him over the head. And that wasn’t even half as bad as the disappointed mother-like stare that Joseph would give him.

Aside from that, his experiences here had not been all bad. Holland Valley was gorgeous, he had to admit it. And Falls End was quaint and charming. It wasn’t a city, that was for sure, but it was...well...it was quaint. John couldn’t say he’d thought much of that word but nothing else fit the town.

He’d met a lot of good people, simple and set in their ways. He’d been invited to the Spread Eagle so many times he had finally given in. He was used to clubs, neon lights and high end liquor.

The Spread Eagle had a pool table and Karaoke, the best on the shelf was moonshine. Now, he had no complaints about moonshine cause goddamn. He’d gotten fucked up on it a few times already, Mary May was very accommodating, let him drink for free and after his fifth visit she told him to set up a tab. His cup runneth over it seemed. He could see she had a bit of a crush, he took advantage, preening under the attention.

Then she introduced him to Nick Rye.

John wasn’t...public about his preferences, he was an expert at dodging nosy housewives asking about his wife and or girlfriend. But the locals weren’t really to his taste, he liked expensive looking men, with expensive cars and expensive tastes that could match his own.

So this ordinary guy with a trucker hat and aviators walks into the bar waves at Mary May. John watches from the pool table, unnecessarily distracted, surrounded by a few local girls who were...a little too obvious in there intent. And Mary May is gesturing at John, John pretends to play, then he hears a commotion and when John looks back it’s like a stranger is sitting there. It was the width of his shoulders, the way his shirt clung to his back as he took back a shot of whatever Mary had given him. John suddenly needed a drink, tried not to make it obvious. Tried to be cool with it because there was no way that any country boy would be anywhere near as attractive as this one guy hinted at being.

Cool enough to go up to the bar and order a gin and tonic like he wasn’t desperate. One of the girls followed him, tried to hang off his arm, he looked at his phone to check the time, tried to help her get a fucking clue.

Nick commented on his tattoos, and that was why he’d worn this shirt, they were definitely a conversation starter, no matter how or why he got them. And Nick was just what he’d hoped, ruggedly handsome, dark blue eyes similar in shade to his own, his beard was a little wild, and the bags under his eyes were dark. But he had broad shoulders, a little ink of his own and John didn’t think he’d mind having a look at what might be under that shirt.

Nothing ever goes as planned.

Not only was Nick married, but his wife had introduced herself to John as his friend and roommate. Like they were just platonic friends and John had believed her, everyone in Fall’s End had been so welcoming and honest he hadn’t thought that she’d willingly deceive him. Kim had looked exhausted, and she’d just spilled out her worries, her pain and John had worked with women like her before. The death of a child was something that took time to learn to deal with, and she was filled with blame and guilt, she was looking for an out. Some way to get away from all the pain.

He spent time with her, waiting on Nick to show up for their date. He helped her clean up the living room, wash last night’s dishes. He pinned up her hair, she actually was very pretty. He told her so and she smiled, it was stiff, like her face wasn’t used to the movement of her facial muscles.

John didn’t consider himself naive, but Nick walked in, and after seeing that he should have known they were together, but by that time he’d already said how he was looking forward to his plane trip with Nick.

He hadn’t meant to get himself stuck in the middle of a failing marriage, hadn’t meant to be a part of that. So he’d pulled himself out of the situation altogether.

And now he was back in it, Mary May was going to show up in a half hour and snap at him about letting Nick go, she was also going to give him the business about the White Tails trip, which was completely innocent in his mind. Sure he’d had to nurse his pride when Nick rejected him but the trip to Jacob’s place had been fun, and he’d liked Mary May well enough, but he had his hands full with that nosy deputy. This left John enough time to repair the damage he’d done.

John thought maybe they should be grateful that he’d put his dicks needs aside to let Nick...well, deal with his shit. The cracks in that relationship were huge, enough space in there for John to neatly insert himself and start some chaos.

But he was trying to change that, he’d had more than a few conversations with Jacob about always ending up the third wheel. Jacob just told him he needed to stop riding fucking tricycles, a very Jacob thing to say.

Nick Rye was the Tour de France of fucking tricycles. And John was trying his best not to be first place.

Ultimately John knew Nick wasn’t worth it, knew that there was probably someone else out there who would be worth jumping through hoops for.

But when he remembered standing in an empty field letting Nick wipe blood off his face, both angry and concerned. Seeing him sitting in that parking lot breaking down, and ultimately about an hour ago, waking up on John’s couch trying to sit up and failing, letting John comfort him. It was difficult to hold back the emotions that threatened his rationality and self-preservation concerning Nick.

When Mary May showed up John knew immediately because there was fist banging on his front door.

John went to get it and as soon as he opened it Mary May stomped in, “Where the hell is Nick?!”

“He’s gone. Didn’t say anything just left.”

Mary may turned on him and glared, but it faded into frustration, “Goddammit, she must have sent him the message already.”

“Who?”

Mary May sighed, “Kim, you idiot...she’s divorcing him, and he’s gonna try and stop it from happening. I tried to talk to her but...” she looked at John, “Well you’re a lawyer, you should know.”

John looked concerned, “I don’t really know much about her, she is going through a really difficult time, I can’t say anything about her state of mind other than the fact that if she’s come to that-”

“I didn’t ask for your analysis doctor Phil, I’m asking did she go to you for counseling? She hire you?”

“What? No!” John says, crossing his arms over his chest, “I never told her I was a lawyer.”

Mary May was angrier than John had ever seen her, he didn’t know what to expect.

“How was Nick when you saw him?”

“Tired,” John replied, guiding her to the kitchen where she could have a seat and a glass of water to hopefully calm the fuck down. “Last night must have been weighing on him.”

Mary May let out a soft sigh, fists drawn on the marble counter top, as John poured her a glass of water. “How could I have missed that?”

“Missed what?”

“All of it!” Mary May cried, “I had no idea what he was going through, I was feeding him alcohol and trying to get laid without thinking about what he did when he left, how work was doing, or where he was sleeping.” She took a deep breath, her eyes wet, “Christ, I didn’t even ask how Kim was...Jesus...” she then looked at John, “What kind of friend does that?”

John is across the counter from her, seeing her drink the water like it was whiskey, he lays his hands on the counter top and gives her a small smile, “My brother Joseph would know what to say,” he says, Mary May glowers at him, but it softens and she puts the glass down, brushing her fingers through her hair, “Something about pain happening for a reason, or...How worrying about your own feelings doesn’t bring happiness, but aiming it at those who need you can bring actual fulfillment.” Mary May smiled at him, and he chuckled, “Bullshit I know, but it works when he says it.”

“No, it worked when you said it too, Seed.” she grumbled.

Just then there was sound, Mary May took her hand out of John’s and reached into her back pocket, she looked at the screen and tears filled her eyes.

“Oh christ,” she whispered, “She did it. She actually fuckin did it.”

John wasn’t sure if he should be sad or elated. He thinks about what he just told Mary May, that bullshit about caring for other people more than yourself. Ultimately Nick needed his friends and family and John was neither of those things. But deep inside, he didn’t feel that way.

-:-

Mary May was watching him, wordless and expressionless. Some country song from the 1960s played in the background, She had only said one of two words to him when he came in, served him a shot of bourbon and mostly left him on his own. Nick didn’t know how to feel about that, felt like he was getting treated like a goddamn leper, but at the same time if anyone said more than two words to him he was going to break their fucking nose.

Kim had been straightforward, as she always was with him. But there was none of that gentle affection for him in her voice, only that matter of fact tone he used to get from teachers in school. She was leaving.

She had thought about it, considered it and reconsidered it. But ultimately it was nobody’s fault that their marriage was failing. She blamed herself for their daughters death, she hated herself for leaving Nick alone during the whole thing.

She knew this wasn’t a healthy way of thinking and while holding his hands in hers she said that he reminded her of that pain and she couldn’t make it stop. She still loved him dearly, but her pain would always be a shadow and it wouldn’t let anything flourish anymore.

Nick tried to say his piece, tell her he loved her, that he missed her, that if she left he had nothing, that losing their daughter had left a gaping hole in him and he couldn’t handle losing someone else.

She kissed him one last time, told him she had printed the papers out and that she’d leave them on the counter. That tomorrow morning she was heading out of town, she would be staying in Helena until the process was finished and then she’d be heading to her parents. She said she was sorry, and that was what really tore Nick apart from the inside out, she said she was sorry.

So Nick had his house back. He had his bed back. He had his fucking shower back and his shoes and his closet and everything he’d ever bought in his father’s house was back. He wouldn’t have to sleep in the hangar anymore, he could live as he pleased in that gaping empty space she’d left behind for him.

And he hated her so much, hated her for letting him go through all this pain only to leave him. Only to say she cared about him but that her pain was too much. Like he hadn’t been living in darkness ever since those paramedics told him to leave his own house. Like he didn’t have nightmares about her sobbing voice coming out of that bathroom.

Nick took another shot of bourbon, he didn’t care what happened now, he’d just drink and live in fucking oblivion for a while, he’d be back when her lawyer called that was for fucking sure.

His night went by in brief flashes, being dragged out of the bar, knuckles red, oh he probably got in a fight, Mary May snarling at him and dropping him on his ass on his porch.

When he woke up the next day curled up by the door he wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep. But then he just found his liquor cabinet and drank until he was watching the world spin around him and laying back on his couch until he passed out. Time passed like that for a while until Mary May woke him up and dragged him into a shower, wait...she was yelling but not touching him, someone else was dragging him into the shower. The cold water brought back his spatial awareness and he saw John was in there with him, looking mildly inconvenienced by getting water on his shirt. Spoiled little bastard. He splashed him on purpose, pleased at the frustrated sigh John responded with.

“He’s awake.”

“Get the fuck up Nick you’re late for your appointment!” Mary May shouted from the doorway.

Reality kicked in like a boot to his nutsack. He sank down, letting the water pour down his face and chest, “Fuck it. John can go for me.”

John sighed, “That’s...no, Nick. Nobody is going to go for you.”

“Why not?” Nick asks, “You’re a lawyer man arentcha? Come on, do a buddy a favor, come on I’ll let you-”

John flailed his hands, “No! Shut up Nick, Christ almighty finish your fucking shower.” he stood up and left.

Nick stood up too, peeling off his wet clothes, he heard John and Mary May arguing outside the bathroom door. He stood under the hot stream of water for a few mintes, he felt like garbage that had been picked up and thrown on top of a pile of hotter, grosser garbage. But he thought about seeing Kim, about her sitting with her lawyer waiting on him. How that might look. He thought about the papers on the dining room table lay signed and initialed.

He soaped up, washed his hair and trimmed his beard, falling into a routine he hadn’t done in...well, months. He stared at his reflection, his stomach roiling and turbulent, god he looked like shit. He looked around for a pair of pants to put on and found nothing. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. He got out of the bathroom and saw Mary May walking down the stairs, John was standing in the hall on his phone, “Yeah, I’m doing something right now so maybe-” he caught sight of Nick and just stared mouth slightly open. Nick glared at him, “Thanks for bringing me clothes asshole.” and headed to their-to his bedroom.

He found his slacks, and the shirt he wore to their wedding. He put product in his fucking hair made himself goddamn presentable.

When he walked out of his room, he watched Mary May and John’s expressions. Mary May’s breath caught, John hung up his phone and put it in his pocket real quick.

“So, Kim just called they’re still waiting on you...uh are you really wearing that?”

Nick straightened his back and buttoned the cuffs on his shirt.

“It’s only right I say good bye to her in the same clothes I married her in.” Nick says, he doesn’t mean it, but he hopes he doesn’t look the way he feels.

John goes to him, and unbuttons a single button at his collar, “There, now maybe there’s a chance she’ll change her mind?”

Nick couldn’t help the small twitch of a smile on his mouth, “She won’t, but...thanks for trying.” he looks at John, his soft blue eyes still so intense, mouth still curled in the corner giving him a slightly egotistical look. Nick knew that it was actually the opposite, John had been there for him, he could remember at least that much in his drunken haze. Both him and Mary May had been there for him every step of the way.

“Let me get the papers,” Nick goes down the stairs and to the dining room table and finds...nothing. “Hey, uh, did you guys see the papers I left here?”

He glances at John and Mary May who both look at the fireplace, and in the middle of it, under weeks worth of ashes was a half burned remnants of his divorce papers.

“Fuck.”


	5. Chapter 5

When they got married Nick was late to the ceremony, his car was blocked by a pack of cows crossing the road. In the end he’d made it at the last minute, grabbed Kim’s hands in his and kissed her deeply even before the ceremony started, she’d laughed and playfully hit his arm telling him he’d better not be late to see her ever again. This request was added to his wedding vows that day.

In his opinion, he’d broken that promise to her over and over.

He arrived to the restaurant in Helena only six hours late, courtesy of Mary May’s insane driving skills and John’s insistence on having to get out of ‘this goddamned hick town.’ This earned him a glare from both of them, so he shut up after that.

Both of them were smoking on the sidewalk putting coins in the parking meter while Nick handled what he’d officially titled, ‘His shit’.

The meeting place was closed this late in the evening, so they’d met up in a local cafe. Kim was sitting next to her lawyer, long nosed, dark haired man with a stiff suit and an obnoxious yellow tie. He was jealous out of habit, but he let that feeling go and focused on how he was going to get through this meeting without falling apart.

“Sorry I was late,” He says sitting down across from them, “Before we get this started, I lost my copy of the divorce documents.” He looks at Kim who was staring out the window, and then the lawyer. “Do you have copies?” He saw Kim’s flinch.

“You lost the papers?” Kim says softly, “I left them on the table.”

“I misplaced them, sorry.” Nick says, hating how soft his voice was when speaking to her.

“I do have a spare copy you could use, did you want to discuss any of the details?”

“I read it before, I don’t have any problems with the terms.”

Kim was troubled, she kept putting her hands on the table, and then crossing them over her chest and she kept staring out the window. Nick glanced to see what she was looking at, it was Mary May showing John something on her phone.

“Mary May has been helping me...” he says feeling the inexplicable need to explain himself, “It’s been hard and she’s there for me.”

“I see John Seed is there too.”

That caught the lawyer’s attention, “John Seed?” he asks.

Nick nods, “Yeah, he’s been a good friend.”

Kim made a sound of disbelief, “I’m sure he has been.”

Nick watched Kim’s expression, she was...she was jealous. Jealous of John. Nick didn't know if he was happy about it, or furious. 

“The lawyer John Seed?” Mr. yellow tie interrupts again.

Nick sighed, “Yes, the lawyer, can you get me those papers please?”

The lawyer dug through his brief case and pulled out the papers, “If you would excuse me, I need to use the rest room. Here use my pen.”

The lawyer got up and went in the opposite direction of the bathrooms and Nick didn’t have to look out the window to know he was outside getting John Seeds goddamn autograph.

Nick clicked the pen and read each page before putting his initials.

“You look good.” Kim says softly.

“Thanks, like the shirt? It’s the one I wore to our wedding.”

Kim chuckled, “I know, you don’t have any other shirts with buttons or sleeves that long.”

She was right, she was always right.

He almost hesitated initialing the page he was one, but he did anyway.

“How have you been?” Nick asks, drawn in to old worries, and an even older desire to know what she was feeling.

“Things are okay...better than before. Not, because you aren't there...I think I needed to get out of the house. My mom’s coming down to see me.”

“That’s nice.” hey I’m great too, all I do is drink and pass out these days, and all I think about is how you’re leaving me because I make you sad.”

“How are you?” Kim asks. Her voice low, tone tentative, like she didn’t really want to know and was afraid of what he might say.

Nick is on the last page, he stares at it, and then he looks at her, “I’m dealing with it.”

“You look like you’re dealing fine, especially with John in tow."

“John’s a friend.”

“So you say, but he’s here hanging around you like a fucking vulture.” Kim says, bitterness heavy in her tone.

Nick looks at her again, “You don’t get to be jealous anymore, Kim.”

Kim’s eyes widened, cheeks flushing, “I’m not, I’m just looking out for you.”

Nick sighs, “I don’t know why I need to even explain this to you but every single time I’ve seen him he’s helping me, and he’s here for the same reasons Mary May is, he’s my friend."

“I know he’s nice, but most people are, until you get the to know them...Just be careful.” Kim says, and it came out like she hadn’t meant for it to sound that way, he could see it in her eyes. But she got like that when he was jealous, just like he did, they were both so irrational.

“Kim,” Nick says, “You don’t need to look out for me anymore,” he says, slowly writing his initials on the last sheet, feeling the last six years go down the drain, he felt the hangover now, felt it sucking the energy out of him. The lawyer came back, Kim was watching him, and she looked concerned, but his words must have finally made her see sense, and she stopped.

“Take care of yourself.” Kim says, “For our daughter.”

Nick sees her stand up, gathering her purse and waiting for her lawyer to get the papers together. Of course she had to bring up their daughter, had to poke at the one wound that would never heal, that was still as raw as it was the day it had been speared through him. “You too.”

That was all he could say to his ex wife as she left him for the last time, “You too.”

Kim was gone and Nick felt a piece of him leave with her, he watched her go like he could somehow stop her with his will.

Mary May and John walked in after she’d left, both of them sitting across from him, Mary May reached out and took his hands in hers.

“You ready to go?” She asked, thumbs caressing his knuckles.

“We don’t have to go yet,” Nick says, “There’s a bar somewhere isn’t there?”

Mary was skeptical,“Yeah, I’m sure there are honey, but I only have enough gas to get us back to Fall’s End.” she let out a soft, apologetic sigh.

“I can...” John starts, Nick and Mary May glance at him, “I can get us a hotel room for the night, might be some places nearby.”

“Then it’s all set,” Nick says, he unbuttons his cuffs and rolls his sleeves up. Mary May sighs and ruffles his hair, “I’m not saying I don’t approve, but I’m not leaving you on your own.” she turns to John who was texting on his phone. “Well then get it moving Moneybags.”

Their evening was spent in a haze, they went to a tiny hole in the wall and had gin and bar food, John chatted with the bartender and Mary May ignored every single male suitor who came her way. Nick just drank, ate his fries and wondered when he would be drunk enough to forget the pain he was in.

The next bar was more of the same, but John was dancing with a stranger, Mary May was buzzed and arm wrestling.

The bar after that had a crowd and flashing lights, Nick remembered some girl unbuttoning his shirt, saying she wanted to check out the tattoo he was talking about. He pushed her off and tried to get away and someone grabbed his hand, it was John, he was pulled to a dark, quiet corner, John’s hand was warm and solid on his hip and that’s all he could focus on, until hot breath warmed his ear, “One more bar.”

The next bar had Mary May sobering up, and tugging at John to “Get off the fucking bar you’re a goddamn embarrassment!” and John grinning and slurring, “Welcome to Hoe County-” loudly into her ear making her laugh as she dragged him down.

Nick finally found that good brand of bourbon and let oblivion take him.

Nick woke up on the bathroom floor, lights on, shower running, blood on his knuckles and his head was pounding. He sat up, or tried to and slipped, he sat up again and saw what was on the floor, he was cold and wet. He must have fallen while getting out of the shower. He sat up, crawled to the shower and let the now cold water pour over his head. When he was clear headed enough he walked out of the bathroom and went out into his room, or what probably was his room, and he collapsed onto the plush blankets.

He falls asleep and is woken up by someone moving him, “Jesus Nick, you’re in the wrong goddamn room, wake up!”

He opens his eyes and sees John, he looks upset. It’s not a good look for him, makes his pretty face scrunch up.

“It’s my room now-,” Nick says with a grin, he feels dizzy and the world is spinning like he’s on a carousel, John’s face is too blurry for him to see clearly.

John sighs still pulling at his arms, “Not funny, come on, get up and go to your own room please-”

Nick stares up at him and grabs John’s shirt and drags him down onto the bed, John’s caught off guard and it’s easy for Nick to flip them over. When he’s on top and staring down at John, he thinks about what Kim had said. Vulture, don’t vultures eat carrion? Was Nick wounded? Was he close to death? It fucking felt like it.

He’s sobering up hard, his heart pounding blood into all the right places and John is silent beneath him, tense, as if he thought Nick was going to punch him. Nick had to admit a part of him wanted to, hated John for showing up in the first place, his presence kicking off Kim’s decision to leave him. A part of him felt like John owed him for that, owed him for ending his marriage.

He leaned down, pressing his mouth against John’s, it was soft, fit right against his. He felt John’s mouth move but then go still. He pulled back, “John, please.”

John watched him, “Are you sure?” He says, shifting up on to his elbows, impossibly close, “Don’t do this if you aren’t sure.” His eyes gazing up at Nick, intense and filled with something he couldn’t define.

“Fuck if I know-” Nick says, and he kisses John again, feels a response this time, a soft inhale of his breath. It was better than this gaping nothing beating in his chest.

John slides his hand between them, unbuttoning Nick’s pants and sliding the zipper down the back of his hand pushing against Nick’s growing erection.

Nick doesn’t think about having a guy’s hand on his dick,focuses only on the warmth of it against his sensitive, taut flesh. He’s drawn by the softness of John’s mouth against his, the scratch of their beards against, inhaling John’s urgent breath, the taste of his mouth. John’s hands are warm sliding over his flesh, Nick was enslaved by it, hadn’t known he’d missed it so damn much. The touch of another person’s skin.

He slides one hand over John’s chest and messes up his pretty hair with the other, he cups the back of John’s neck to gain control of the kiss, but he has to pull back for air, John is under him watching him, hand moving between Nick’s legs. He’s watching Nick breath hard, Nick buries his face in John’s neck hips jerking against his grasp, “Fuck...Fuck John...” he breaths hotly against John’s throat.

God it had been such a long time, and John’s fingers were so good, so warm and sure against his flesh. His brain was shorting out centered on that delicious burn. When John drew him to the edge and dragged him over, it wasn’t elegant. He buried his cries against the side of John’s neck, painting his release on the sheets, John’s hands and himself. Selfishly, he ignored that ultimately John hadn’t gotten any release.

His brain however, shut down on him, he saw John watching him, how he pulled his stained fingers to his lips and then nothingness.


	6. Chapter 6

a/n thanks for the kudos everyone! :3

John stared down at Nick’s sleeping form, frustrated that he had actually let it culminate to this. A dirty hand-job in a hotel room. And of course the idiot fell asleep. 

John wants to shake him awake, but he stops himself. Nick just got divorced and obviously going through a difficult time, he’d seen men in his situation plenty of times before. And when he woke up he’d think very differently about letting John give him a hand-job. And John...well, he realized bitterly that he did find himself in situations like these more often than he’d like. 

John was resigned to his heart’s desire when it came to Nick, but that didn’t mean he had to give up is dignity. So he searched Nick’s pockets and pulled out his keycard and left. 

John walks into Nick’s room and takes a shower, washes the damp stains off his pants the best he can, but they’re ruined. No matter, he can get a new pair. He lies down in bed, sinking into the comforter and he stares at the ceiling. His body is tired but his thoughts are still racing, the last remnants of their liquor driven meeting still lingering. He can’t close his eyes, if he does he’ll see Nick on top of him again, smell his hair, cock heavy and hard in his hand, hear his breaths stuttered and eager against his cheek. 

John covered his eyes with his hand, “Fuck.” he mutters into the dark. 

He sleeps maybe four hours before he wakes at the sound of someone banging on his bedroom door.   
When he gets up and walks to the door he hesitates, what if it’s Nick? Then he scolds himself, so what if it’s Nick. What happened last night wasn’t that big of a deal. 

He opened the door and saw Mary May, she leaned against the doorway looking haggard. Blonde hair done up in a clumsy bun, dark circles prominently on display, she showed him the car keys, “You look less hung over so you drive.” 

Nick was in the back staring at his phone, didn't say a word. 

“Right,” John says, “After we get some breakfast.” 

Mary May goes pallid, and Nick coughs obscenely in the background. 

“Or not, for barflys you don’t drink often do you?” John was feeling this sudden craving for a hot, greasy burger. 

“Not like that,” Mary May says moving so John can walk past her, “What the hell is a four loco?” 

John just laughs, “Hopefully this experience will inspire you to...expand your current stock.” 

Mary may fell in step with him as they walked to the elevators, Nick still hanging back like a beaten dog. 

“I don’t want to think about what would happen if I brought any of that back with me.” 

John chuckled, “You’d have more regulars for sure, bourbon is only good sometimes, but you get the expensive shit and suddenly you’ve got people coming in from all parts of the valley.” 

Mary may shrugged, and Nick was silent, still walking behind them. As they entered the elevator he hung in the corner head still down eeys boring into his phone on some game. 

“It was just a hand job Nick,” John says without thinking. 

Nick drops his phone and Mary May’s brows jump to her hairline as she looks at both of them, “That’s why you were in John’s room?” she looks at Nick, “Jesus, Nick.” 

Nick looks back at her with that same helpless look he’d given John last night, “I was drunk!” 

John sighed, “So was I, these things happen.” Nick’s gaze moves to John, “So you just...you do that on the regular?” 

John didn’t know why but he didn’t like Nick’s tone, “Usually it ends differently, but how’s that any of your fucking business Rye?” 

“I don’t know I just want to know how many other guys you did that to last night.” 

Mary May got in the middle of it, “So! The trip home is going to be long and I’m not dealing with this bullshit. Ya’ll are gonna get along. John, don’t antagonize him, Nick keep your opinion to yourself please.”

Nick harrumphs and goes back to his phone. John lets out the breath he’d been holding, he was ready for a fight, not an argument. 

They got to the car and John drove them out of town, heading away from shining light of civilization and back out into the country. 

When he’d first arrived it had been comforting, the wide open spaces had given him a calm feeling but now it made him feel isolated. And after hours of it he felt frustrating building again, boredom, cabin fever from driving for hours seemingly without end. 

The radio playing the same damn old country music, the road had no bumps, no turns just straight forward. Mary May was asleep on the back seat and Nick was sitting next to him playing that fucking game on his phone. 

“What are you playing?” John asks, harmless question, won’t start any fights probably. And Nick probably forgot all about it before. 

“It’s just a game.” Nick says, tone low, unfriendly. He really was mad about last night wasn’t he? John didn’t know if it was irritating or amusing. 

“And what’s the plot of the game, Nick?” John says it quietly, he doesn’t want to wake Mary May up, have her screeching in both their ears for the rest of the ride. 

“None of your fucking business Seed.” Nick mutters under his breath. 

John reaches out and puts his hand on Nick’s knee, and Nick smacks it away. The look he gives John is scandalized. 

“What the fuck are you doing?!” He hisses. 

John doesn’t look away from the road, but he can’t hide the amusement he feels at Nick’s sudden modesty. “What’s it look like?” 

“Mary May is in the backseat-” 

“Is that the only problem?” he tries again and Nick grabs his wrist, but he doesn’t push it away, only holds it in place. 

Nick stares at him, trying to read his expression, all John can think about is feeling his cock again, making him spill over onto his fingers with Mary May asleep peacefully in the backseat. 

“This isn’t right...” Nick says, “I don’t-” 

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch Rye, it’s not that serious. I’m not asking for commitment here, just...” he pushed and Nick gave in, his hand finding the seat of Nick’s pants, “Let me.” 

The car was moving in the right direction, the hum of the motor under his feet was comforting, and he stared at the road taking in the sights, and anybody, any stranger who drove next to him wouldn’t think anything of the man with the sunglasses. But if they looked in they would see John’s hands on Nick’s lap, hand half hidden in Nick’s pants, Nick head lolling back hips low on his seat turned toward John’s hand. He had the back of his hand pressed against his lips, body tense like a viola string. 

John was only half focused on the road, attention drawn almost entirely to the weight of Nick’s cock, the length of him, the soft shuddering breaths he was hiding behind his hand. 

He was half hard in his own pants, aroused by the thought of getting caught, by Nick forcing himself to be quiet, by the firm, hot flesh under his fingers. John quickened the pace, fingers sliding wetly over the tip of Nick’s penis and he heard an audible sound leave that man’s mouth that embarrassed even him. He grinned moving his hand fully now, and Nick tensed up hard, knees parting and one hand gripping John’s forearm. 

John wished he could look at Nicks’ face properly, see his brow scrunched and focused, but it was always hidden, it had been hidden last night too. He couldn’t see him then and he couldn’t see him now. 

Nick let out a soft, shuddering breath and John felt him spill over his fingers. He pulled his hand back and heard Nick slowly pulling himself back together, again, leaving a mess on John. John brought his fingers to his face and closed his lips over one friction-warm stained finger. 

Nick yanked his hand back and wiped it clean with the underside of his shirt. 

“Christ...” Nick grumbled. 

John smirked, keeping his eyes on the road, “Maybe eat more pineapple?” 

“Shut the fuck up, John.” 

“I told you two to stop fighting.” Mary May says from the back seat, John gives a panicked look to the rear-view mirror and sees her sitting up slowly and stretching. Just woke up. Didn’t see anything. He relaxes. Nick on the other hand well, let him suffer. 

“Are we almost there yet?” Mary May asks, pulling a bottled water out of the bag of provisions they’d stocked up on during their trip out of the city. 

“Still a couple of hours before we’re back at the valley.” John says, “We can probably stop by my brother’s place and eat something. Unless you are both in a hurry to get back?” 

Nick didn’t say anything, it wasn’t just coming down from what they’d been doing before, his life had just turned upside down in the last few weeks. Both Mary May and John knew what Nick would be like when he returned. He’d pulled himself together to get the papers signed but that didn’t change how he felt, or what he would do to himself to feel better. 

John wasn’t trying to be...nosy, but Joseph might have something to say, something that might help Nick make sense of his life now. Those words wouldn’t work on John of course, Joseph’s quiet, knowing ways were something he’d slowly built a defense against. But Joseph had a unique way of seeing the world, maybe he would help Nick see from a new perspective. 

“We’re a bit far from the Whitetails aren’t we?” 

John shook his head, “Nah, you haven’t met this one, it’s Joe, he’s the one with the psychology degree and is opening a half-way house in the Henbane.” 

Nick sighed, “Why not, got nothing waiting for me back there...” 

John doesn’t say anything to that, because it shouldn’t matter what he thinks, but he can sense himself slowly getting tangled into something he couldn’t name. Mary May reaches out and gives Nick’s shoulder a squeeze, “That’ll change, Nick. It feels like that now but you have lots of friends in the Valley.” John felt out of place then, the new comer somehow tagging along even though he was in the driver seat. But Mary May was right, maybe more than she intended to. 

Nick didn’t reply to her, but his silence wasn’t hostile, and Mary May leaned back in her seat, eyes focusing on the passing scenery. Joseph’s compound was only about an hour drive away, so they moved on and John let the countryside in, pulling him away from other more troubling thoughts.


	7. Chapter 7

A.N thanks for the comments and kudos everyone! sorry i'm late with these updates lately, was playing rdr2 and my soul has left my body for the time being. I'll catch up hopefully before the end of next week. 

It was about fifteen minutes after they’d parked the car and were waiting in the ‘Welcome’ center, a room with no air conditioning, wide open windows letting the afternoon wind in. It wasn’t that different to any office waiting room, there was a small desk with a laptop and sleek black office chair that looked like someone should be sitting in it but it sat empty. The walls had some motivational poster, a large map of the county and a smaller map of the location. It was pretty close to Raptor Peak so hikers would stop by for a quick break before going on the rest of the trek to the mountain. 

Standing in the silence of that room, the sound of birds coming from the open sunlit windows, John starts to reconsider, he glances at Mary May who was kicking the vending machine that appeared to have snatched her one dollar bill. 

Nick took up one of the chairs by the window and was playing on his phone. He glanced up when John looked at him and John turned away, suddenly it all felt wrong. It felt wrong to bring Nick here after what he’d done to him. After all, Joseph would know, like he knew everything else. And he’d give John that quiet, unreadable look. 

Sadly, it was too late to reconsider, as Joseph walked in from the front door wearing no shirt and a pair of worn jeans. John winced inwardly, being out of the city was bringing out weird behavior in both of his elder brothers. Joseph was prone to forgetting his shirt on most days, even during his speeches to the commune. Jacob was up in the Whitetails growing this crazy long beard and running a kennel for injured wolves. Just thinking about how much they had both changed since coming here, John could only think he was the only one who was still the same. 

Joseph smiled, “John, you made it.” He walks over and pulls him into a hug, John loves his brother but that was a sweaty hug on his only shirt. He smiled placidly, “Hey Joe, how’s everything?” 

“Oh, you we’re alright, we’re growing, living, triumphing.” 

“That’s great,” he steps back and gestures to Mary May and Nick, “So, I brought some friends with me. We were on our way back to Holland Valley, thought we’d stop in and say hi.” 

Joseph glanced at the both of them, He gives John’s a gentle pat on the shoulder before walking past him. Joseph went to Mary May giving a charming, toothy smile, “Joseph Seed, nice to meet you,” Mary May smiled at him and shook his hand, “Mary May Fairgrave, I think you’re the only Seed I haven’t met.” Joseph lets her hand go, “Then you’ve met Faith?” Mary shook her head, “Haven’t had the pleasure,” 

“That’s alright, she’s currently on a trip of ‘self-discovery’ and won’t be back for a while. But I’m sure you’ll get the chance to meet. And who is this?” he looks at Nick, was awkwardly putting his phone in his pocket. John cringed internally when Joe went in for the hug, it happened, Nick couldn’t stop it...frankly nobody could stop it. Joe was a hugger. 

He was giving Nick that look and that’s when John remembered why he’d brought Nick here. Behind the posturing, the drinking was a sad, sad man. 

Nick was hurt and going through an awful time and Joe, while certainly a unique personality was best suited to helping Nick find a way to continue past his pain. Joe was talking to Nick in a low voice, Nick surprisingly was actually listening to him. Mary May walked over to John, she raised her eye brows at John, “What is going on there?” she asks quizzically. John crosses his arms over his chest and shrugs, “Not sure myself, but Joe is the best person for Nick to talk to right now.” 

Mary Mary pats John on the shoulder, “That so?” she shrugs, “So, where can we get some grub? There’s nothing but mountains and rivers out this way.” 

“You like vegan don’t you?” John asks. 

He laughed when Mary May made a sound of despair. 

John watched Joseph lead Nick out into a lattice framed walkway covered in bright white, sweetly scented flowers. Their wiry stems and large leaves providing relative shade from the hot sun. The compound was a cozy place, quiet, it was high in hills, a few miles out was the marina, and another hour of driving would get them to the ranger station where Jacob worked. The land that John had helped Joseph purchase was fairly large, next to a moderately sized lake. From the sky it would look tiny, a patch of small, modest wood buildings and a pond. But from the ground it was like a garden, they encouraged self-sufficiency, so there were vegetable gardens, a small chicken coop, the roofs of the dorms had solar panels for heating and light. 

From Mary’s and John’s view point it was like a summer camp, but for Joseph it was a haven for people going through tough times. Kim would have been able to come here and rest, if she hadn’t...if this hadn’t gone the way it did. So John took Nick here, and he could rest and think and maybe get himself into a healthier mindset. 

John followed behind Joseph and Nick as they walked and talked in low voices, but he didn’t listen to what they were saying, all he was thinking was why he cared if Nick was healthier or not. Maybe it would be better if he wasn’t, then he’d be vulnerable to...more. If he was all better than he’d just find some random woman. 

But John worked well with broken hearts, and it sickened him to think that’s where his mind was. The only way to keep this man, was to make sure his heart was in disrepair. 

Jacob had told him time and time again, he was an idiot, and playing the angel wasn’t going to get him anywhere anyway. 

Mary May dragged him away down a dirt path leading to a small clearing at the edge of the hill looking out over the lake. He followed her, not really listening to what she was saying, he glanced back over his shoulder and saw Nick and Joseph, he could see how Nick was listening intently, the pain in his eyes was evident, and he was clinging to what Joseph was saying like so many did. 

Looks like that are what made places like this. 

“What are you doing?” Mary May asks without looking at him, “I’m not...I’m not gonna let him get hurt again.” 

John turns to the view below, feeling sick with guilt of what he’d been thinking earlier, “I don’t know...I...Joe’s gonna help him. What happened with Nick was just a fluke, they happen all the time with straight guys.” 

Mary May glanced at him, “You make a habit of that too?” 

“Habit of what?” 

“Flukes.” 

John laughed, “Ah well, I have poor luck in love, Mary May.” 

Mary May slapped his arm, “Quit actin’ like your life is a soap opera.” 

It might as well be, John thinks, watching Nick and Joseph speak in a less serious manner, feeling an envious twitch when Joseph gives Nick’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. 

It might as well be.


	8. Chapter 8

a/n thanks for the comments and kudos everyone! due to changes happening irl for me i might not be able to update as frequently, i will try though. Again thanks for the support! 

Joseph Seed sent Nick fishing. Nick hadn’t been fishing in years, but he wasn’t about to be rude and deny the request. Joseph was weird for sure but...but there was this urgency in his gaze, like he needed to help Nick realize something. He was touching him a lot, talking low and looking in his eyes. It was weird but Nick felt like he was under a spell when he talked to Joseph. He wasn’t sure he liked it but he didn’t mind how it made him feel. 

Being out on the lake was unexpectedly relaxing instead of boring. The horizon ahead of him had Raptor Peak in the distance piercing the sky like a grey giant. The sky seeming to bloom around it’s desolate ridges. As he sat there fixing his pole and setting up his lures he let his mind empty out. And he thought he would be find sitting out here peacefully fishing. But he wasn’t. All he could think about was how much Kim would have loved this view. She always told Nick to eat more veggies so she’d like the food too. He would have taken her out on Carmina and landed at the nearby marina. 

The cool air and gentle sway of the water wasnt’ bringing him any kind of comfort, it only further defined the piercing loneliness he felt. He was weak with memories of his life before all this. And it was like he was expected to continue living after this, like signing a piece of paper was supposed to some how make this okay, as if losing his family was something you could recover from with a fishing trip. Nick let go of the pole, lures forgotten, he pulled his hat and glasses off and just stared at the water, the boat rocking slowly. 

He had nothing to go back to, his future was gone. All his life he’d wanted a family, he’d wanted to give what he had to a son or daughter to let his family name live on. And now that had all been taken away from him. 

He couldn’t get it back, he felt like Kim was still some how reachable, but remembering her expression when she’d left him. When she’d used her assumptions against him, but in the end she’d told her truth. Her truth that their daughter’s death had broken her heart, and nothing Nick could say or do would fix that. 

And now he was here, in a boat, trying to what? Pretend that he had a life to go back to? 

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud splash, he glanced in the direction of the sound and saw John piercing the surface of the water. There was a spark of lust that went off in him, low and hot. He swept a hand through his hair, muttering a curse under his breath, he was supposed to be relaxing goddammit. 

And sure enough, before Nick could row his tiny boat back to shore the idiot saw him and started swimming in his direction. He grinned when he saw Nick, reached out and hooked his tattooed arms over the rim of the boat, blue eyes gazing up at him like he was some kind of sea witch. 

“Joe sent you fishing for dinner?” he asks. Nick’s gaze follows the water drops sliding over John’s skin, his hair soaked and curling at the ends. 

“I hope not,” Nick says, shooting a regretful glance at the abandoned fishing pole and lures. 

“So you don’t know how to fish?” John asks, and he moved as if to get into the boat but Nick must have twitched, done something to make him stop because he looked...almost hurt. 

“Never-mind,” John says, sliding back into the water, “I’ll go, you should talk to Joseph when you come back.” 

He was gone before Nick could say anything, clear up and explain whatever he did that he hadn’t meant it that way, he wipes the moisture off his face, realizing with embarrassment that it wasn’t sweat. 

Nick returned to shore late in the night, far past the agreed dinner time, and he knew this was supposed to be a quick stop but it was looking like they’d be spending the night there. 

He wanders for a bit, the Jessop Conservatory is huge and beautiful, he walks under the lattice fences and finds he enjoys this more than the buildings of any city. 

And again, like he couldn’t avoid it he finds John sitting under them, looking through his phone in the dim lighting above. 

He doesn’t know if he should say something, apologize for earlier. He just turns and walks away, eventually finding Mary May who was talking to one of the other members of the camp, “Hey,” Mary glances at him, “There you are! so I talked to John and Joe about tonight, Joe’s letting us spend the night.” She takes hold of his arm, “Follow me,” and she guided him through the dimly lit pathways through the campsite, “John said he saw you trying to fish earlier, how was it?” she smiles at him, guess John didn’t tell her about the crying. It was a relief not having to explain that to someone, “As well as it would for anyone who can’t fish.” Mary chuckles at that, their trip takes them to a small cottage, “Joe has limited amounts of space here by the way so we all have roommates.” 

Standing under the small yellow light that hung from the roof of the small building, and seeing Mary May smiling at him reminded him of first dates, of having to say goodnight to Kim before they got together. “Why didn’t we ever get together Mary May?” he asks, her hand warm in his own, Mary May slid her hands out of his grip and touched his cheek gently, “It was always Kim for you, Nick.” She says, “I know this feels like the end of the world Nick. But you’re not alone, and I’m here if you want to talk.” Nick nods, and Mary May leaves him alone under the light, and for the life of him, it’s hard to breathe. 

He walks in and sees the two twin beds, the sparse décor and single four panel window on one side showing a nighttime view of the lake and the mountains in the distance. He goes toward his side away from the window and takes off his shirt, tossing it on the bed. He sits on edge of the bed and toes off his dress shoes, he runs his hands through his hair, and presses the heels of his hands into his shut eyes. He could really use a drink right now. Nick was thankful that he was alone, no worries about strangers with questions in here. He laid back on the bed and covered his eyes with his arm, trying to block out his thoughts and get some rest. 

Maybe an hour had gone by before the flash of a lamp turns on forcing Nick’s eyes open, he sits up with a grunt, “Hey, mind turning that shit off?” 

John turns around from where he was sitting on the other bed, hand still on the lamp switch, expression frozen in surprise, “Nick?” 

Nick holds back a sigh, “John.” 

John stands up quickly, “I can go...if you want.” 

“No, it’s fine.” Nick says, and it’s silent for that moment, John just watches him for a moment. But then he kicks off his shoes, unbuttons the top of his shirt and turns the lights out again. Nick turns his back to John to go back to sleep. 

He tries, but he can’t ignore the sounds of John turning around in his bed, can’t stop thinking about his hands in the car, or his...- his mouth, or the memory of seeing him come up from the lake like some sort of nymph, arms covered in tattoos, his eyes so startlingly blue staring up at him. 

Nick got up and went across the room, pressed a knee on the mattress and leaned over and he heard a sharp intake of breath and two hands came up and pulled him down. He heard John make a soft, needy sound. He lost himself in it. 

The darkness covering up his sins Nick slid his hands under John’s shirt, mouth pressed against his shoulder and working his way up the line of his throat and jawline to his mouth where he pressed gently, a request, his hands beseeching on John’s warm skin. Nick was lost, breathless with the taste of his soft sigh, absorbed in the comfortable way their legs entwined. John answered him with eager acceptance, his own hands tangled in Nick’s hair as Nick moved over him. 

Nick can barely breathe, he parts the kiss and presses his mouth to the side of John’s neck and sucks softly on it. John makes this broken, soft sound. His whole body trembles, Nick loves that sound, that feeling. He pinches one of John’s nipples and relishes the light arch he makes, his other hand sliding up and pushing two fingers into John’s gasping mouth. 

Nick can’t stop his own moan at the sensation of John’s tongue curling and sliding wetly along the length of his fingers soaking them. Nick pulls his fingers out with a soft pop and he slides them around both of their cocks. Their precum mixing with his saliva making John’s rhytmic movements easier and so much more decadent. John’s not quiet, and Nick can’t remember if he’d made these sounds the other times they’d been together. Or maybe he’d been too drunk at the time?

It’s a small, coarse desire that bubbles up and than disappears in the heat of their bodies, John’s legs are tangled with Nicks and their both so close now, Nick can’t bear it, he covers John’s mouth with his own and thrusts in earnest, his grip never slipping and when he comes it’s with John pressing against him, his own gasps and movements mirrored closely by John’s body, each touch was electric and John followed closely behind moaning into Nick’s mouth, having to turn his head to shudder and gasp from the intensity. 

Nick moved aside to lie on his back staring into the black nothingness of their room. John was at his side, warm, soft, distressingly real. 

“We made a mess.” John says, “Again...”

“Is your brother gonna-”

John made a sound, “Don’t talk about my brother after I just came, thanks.” 

Nick chuckled, “How are we gonna explain the sheets?” 

John’s hand slid up the side of Nick’s arm, “We’re leaving tomorrow, so...We just don’t.” 

Nick sighed, “You’re terrible.” 

“How is it my fault they don’t have any working washers or dryers in this place?” 

Nick sighs, “Oh, that makes it so much worse.” 

“You could clean up if you wanted,” John says, and Nick can tell he’s smirking, clearly trying to imply that Nick could clean him up. 

“I appreciate the offer, John. But that’s a line I’m not crossing.” And he can’t smirk when he says it, because he can imagine doing it, and he’s imagined so much with John he can’t help but think it’ll come true. He’s not ready for that yet. He can’t-christ he can’t do this now. 

John patted his shoulder, “I was only kidding, Nick. I doubt you would know anything about what you’re doing.” 

Nick just laughed, “Shut the fuck up, John.” this was all so damn absurd. “So...Do I just go back to my bed or…?” 

Then it was John’s turn to laugh.


End file.
